Category Archives: Fortune telling

I’m on Best American Poetry’s Holiday Gift Guide!

You may or may not know that I write poetry, fiction, and creative non-fiction under a different name, so I was extra excited to be included in Best American Poetry’s Holiday Gift Guide for 2018. I’m offering phone tarot sessions or in person tarot, tea leaf, and palm reading sessions for the holidays for you or for your friends and loved ones (gift certificates available). You can book through the form through the fortune telling page on my site. Check out the rest of the list to see how you can support poets and independent businesses with your holiday shopping. Please comment if you’re a creative with an independent business that readers can support over the holidays.

Check out the link here

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And you can always gift a copy of this year’s Best American Poetry

Reading tarot and palms at Gemini & Scorpio Loft for Spellbound: Immersive Evening Transformation Through Ritual 10/26 & 10/27

Do you have Halloween plans? Here are some you’ll want to add to your list. Brooklyn’s Gemini & Scorpio Loft is throwing the best, two-night long party, Spellbound: Immersive Evening Transformation Through Ritual. I’ll be reading palms and tarot with Darcey Leonard (palms) and Éowyn Evans (tarot) from Tarot Society, both Friday and Saturday night, 8 PM-1AM (but the party goes till 4). This is what the event ticket link says…

An intimate, immersive evening of exploring transformation through ritual, with dreamy atmospheric music, magickal potions, and interactions both gentle and intense. Our first run of what we hope to bring you as a fully immersive magickal Halloween experience on Fri Oct 26th and Sat Oct 27. Tickets will be limited.

Begin at our welcome station with a ceremonial letting go of that which no longer serves you. Then lounge in our lush candlelit loft and enjoy the magic. Featuring: fortune telling talents of Holy Crow (palms), Jezmina Von Thiele (tarot and palms), Cara Kovacs (oracle cards, crystals & reiki), Fox Danger (tarot + ritual), Peri Lyons (tarot) and other masters of divination. Operatic opening ritual by Lacy Rose. Acts of magic by Nelson Lugo. Absinthe and unique green witchcraft potions by The House of St Eve. Live music by Echo of the Ghost: defying genres with ambient, EDM influenced songs laced with melodic synth textures and hypnotic violin arrangements. Witchy dance party follows.

Dress code: your dark, witchy best or your Halloween wear. Effort required / no casual wear.

In addition to the main event, you can choose to connect deeper via three increasingly intense interaction options. Choose the path that resonates with you. What do you need to let go of? What do you need to bring in?

Fate: confront your future; change your present. This path gives you two tokens for free readings ($10 otherwise), plus a one-on-one spiritual consultation with Tarot Society founder Darcey Leonard. Comes with a keepsake Life Tree pendant*

Sensuality: electrify your skin; ignite your passions. Choose this path if you want to push your physical boundaries in our secret sensory lounge. You can connect to just yourself or to others. Comes with a keepsake skeleton key pendant*

Death: look beyond the veil; face your fears. Who will you be when you come out on the other side? You are invited into the Psychomanteum, an interactive installation inspired by Cocteau’s Orphé, where you can converse with deceased loved ones. Also includes readings from all our fortune tellers. Comes with a keepsake bird skull pendant.*

Do not be late for this one. All spirit stations operate 8pm-1am only. Tips for spirit stations proprietors are greatly appreciated.

*Same pendants as the previous Spellbound. If you wish to reuse yours, you’ll just need the correct color cord at the door.

Here’s the easy-to-share Facebook link too! https://www.facebook.com/events/1158789164288107/

Featured image: “The Witches Sabbath” by Luis Ricardo Falero, 1878

Weird Horoscopes–Week of May 20th, 2018

#WeirdHoroscopes are here again for the week of May 20th, delivered by sassy, weird oracle through me!

Gemini: Learn everything now. In your solar return, you have the ability to know all things by staring directly at the sun for several hours, or at the sun’s nemesis, the moon. Perhaps the latter is safest.

Cancer: Venus asks you to perform love & self care. Do something fun like bubble baths, knife fighting, or ax throwing. & if your loved ones don’t accept the love you give, set a “Make America Great Again” hat on fire.

Leo: If you’re asking yourself, “What am I even doing with my life?” then it’s really important that you don’t listen to anyone. Instead, go deep in the forest, cover yourself with earth, & let trees & herbs sprout from your ribcage. Then you will know.

Virgo: Make up some business cards to promote yourself & your many talents. Now is the time! & enchant them so that they burst into flame once the recipient commits their information to memory. It’ll show how dynamic & fun you are!

Libra: Consider volunteering your time to spread your wisdom. Shepherd souls across the river Lethe to the underworld. Become a volunteer ghost hunter. Counsel vampires grappling with eternity.

Scorpio: You are so passionate that you have an actual fire inside you. Learn to breathe it at will so you can char things or people as needed & provide clean, renewable energy. Learn to blow smoke rings out your nose too because people just love it.

Sagittarius: You just returned from the Underworld this week. Welcome back! Remember that the peeps on this side need you to show up in a corporeal form & do love & intimacy or whatever. You’re not swirling in a cyclone of spirit anymore! Not right now anyway.

Capricorn: Time to play! The stars suggest laser tag, or something in which you shoot light from your body, symbolizing how captivating & piercing you are, thereby triple-charging your powers. Perhaps try something with electric eels.

Aquarius: You have been reanimated after you were encased in ice for a hot minute, & it’s time to re-learn how to move your fingers & toes & pump blood through your body. Nuzzling animals & tanning beds are a good way to warm the heart, but not simultaneously.

Pisces: If you’re experiencing flashes of rage, do something productive. Start with a series of interpretive dance and arson, captain an armada of space cats, & write a treatise out of swords to resolve remaining grievances. Then take an angry-nap.

Aries: Privacy is important. Consider becoming unplottable, wearing disguises & full body armor, & sequestering yourself in a tower owned by a grumpy bear who minds his own business. You will later become great friends.

Taurus: You now have the ability to channel ghosts & spirits, especially Prince. Use your power for sassy good, wear a raspberry beret, & tell it like it is through song & androgynous sex appeal. Prince has a lot planned for you.

 

Featured Image by Wellcome Images

#WeirdHoroscopes Week of May 13th

It’s time for my #WeirdHoroscopes for the week of May 13th! Live by them.

Taurus: Change is coming from within you in the form of an Athena-like lightning-burst out through your skull. Allow this new, sassy-smart electricity being to revamp everything from your wardrobe to your nervous system. Crackle onward!

Gemini: There is a sentient seashell in your ribcage. Pry open the bone-hinge, hold it to your ear, & listen. It’s whispers are calling b.s. & telling good truths, for it is all-knowing. Put your faith in yourself, your voice, & in psychic seashell.

Cancer: As it happens, your myriad, shimmering, weird impulses are the guiding force to the world’s happiness. Unlock the tiny bird-sized door of your throat & let the bluebird of your happy weirdness voice its prophetic delights!

Leo: you woke up this morning as the regent of a technicolor kingdom you didn’t know existed. Guide your surprise-subjects with blood wisdom & the intelligent ruby embedded in your guts. It scents change & demands fiery glitter. Be the ruler we deserve.

Virgo: You’ve been keeping dreams under your tongue like lozenges to soothe you but what if you glitter-spit those dreams into the world’s face & let the glorious spatter guide you to adventures that you only dared dream before. SPIT IN THE WORLD’S FACE, DARLING

Libra: You want to use leg magic to run away, but instead pirouette to the skeletons in your closet & invite them to high tea. Do feelings together over finger sandwiches & whatever skeletons eat (finger sandwiches?), even irrational ones. Ask them for advice.

Scorpio: Are you giving away parts of your flesh, bones, & eternal soul for free? The masses’ demand for you is akin to the Catholic mystic body cult’s demand for saint relics. Don’t let the people imbibe your magic ashes. You need them… for reasons.

Sagittarius: Don’t look back at failed adventures & shake your head. Look deep into your emerald veins & see that the present is an ever-churning river of blood magic, & you‘re tubing down like, WHOA, who’s even steering this fate innertube!? You are, baby. You.

Capricorn: Create balance in your busy life by running around in circles flinging coffee everywhere & shouting about how busy you are. Then, take to the hills & gather your talking animals friends for a lovely yet comforting story hour, & sleep beneath the stars.

Aquarius: Transform into a nymph, sprite, or scary merperson & let the enchanted waterfalls power-wash away all that no longer serves you. Pay no mind to the cynical squirrel guardians who say change is impossible. They’re just pissed their TV pilot didn’t sell.

Pisces: Try writing the conspiracy theories for a change. You have the wit to actually make them fun. Plus you also have the latent chaos-creator magic to make them true. That explains why you’re so good at visualization manifestation, like The Secret. Too good.

Aries: You awoke to find your body became a Transformer-style crime-fighting robo-suit. Collaborate with the team of friendly scientists who manifested in your bathroom to make the best of your new gear, talents, & life purpose. Also avoid emotional spending $$$

Featured Image by Melly Kay, Custom No. 109, 2013

Beltane!

threeofdisks

Three of Disks

Today marks the Pagan spring holiday, Beltane, the time when the veil between us and the elemental spirits is thinnest. It’s the perfect time for divination, dreams, wishes, and making out. The holiday celebrates the divine, sexy union between the god and goddess, and the cosmic birth that follows, propelling the wheel of the year forward.

I pulled a tarot card to see what wisdom the spring will impart, and it was the Three of Discs. This card heralds cooperation amongst friends and colleagues to help you manifest your dreams into reality. It’s a good time for business growth and working on projects. Collaboration brings you and your peeps great success.

Here are some fun, simple things to do!

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I made these midnight muffins

  • Make honeyed bread to celebrate the return of the sun, fertility (of all kinds), and sweetness. I used this flourless banana bread muffins recipe from Running with Spoons. 
  • Buy flowers for your home, especially bright happy flowers
  • Make a flower crown and just own it. Check out this post by Arcane Alchemy about its history and how to make one!
  • Pull a tarot or oracle card and ask for a message for the spring. If you’re not sure what it means, you can look up definitions online. It’s also a great time to have your cards read by a friend or professional.
  • Tie ribbons on a tree or bush representing your wishes for the spring and ask the fae or earth elementals to help you manifest them, or make a wishing tree like this one from Mooky Chick.
  • Actually frolic around a Maypole
  • Jump over a small fire or candle for good luck, or a broom stick if you’re not feeling the flames. You can do this with a partner and make it sexy/a show of your dedication to each other.
  • Interpret your dreams
  • Make out with someone you like. It’s a total makeout holiday.

However simple or elaborate your celebration is, give thanks for the new surge of life coming your way, and enjoy the magic.

Featured image of tulips by shickadeaz

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Flowers in Brooklyn

Romani Gypsy fortune telling, poetry, and family history interview with Agape Editions

Photo by Viktor Pachas

I had so much fun being interviewed by Eniko Vaghy of Agape Editions for their series Cards on the Table. I discuss the relationship between Romani “Gypsy” fortune telling and persecution, my family’s line of Romani medicine work, eclectic witch magic, writing techniques using tarot, my rituals before reading for clients, and lots more! I loved Eniko’s thoughtful questions, and I hope you enjoy our conversation as much as I did.

Weird Horoscopes: Week of April 16, 2018

Weird Horoscopes by Jezmina Von Thiele! Here are my best cryptic predictions to keep you healthy and whole this week.

#Aries:You’ve been bowing to the powerful specter who lives inside you for too long. No one tells you what to do! Not even your own specter. Now is the time to rise up inside yourself & implement a ruthless revolution. & then treat yo’self to a sheet mask or date night.

#Taurus: You need to build an R&R-burrow to do some feelings, & because you draw comfort from tangible things, demand that the spirits of ether manifest. Let the archangels burn with splendor! Because for you, it isn’t real unless it’s right there blazing in your self-care bunker.

#Gemini: All the shady AF creatures you invited to your glam nocturnal garden parties are kind of douchey, so you’ve whisked yourself away to smokier realms. Stick to high standards for your infamous social calendar from now on. Enchanted fawns and Sumerian serpent priestesses only.

#Cancer: Your ambition to build the best crystal-shell palace is admirable, & your often-unseen blood-thirst for success is Queenly. Make sure your creatures will aid you in your deeds, & support your journey to be better than everyone. The bonding that follows is transcendent.

#Leo: If you’re wondering if everything is a lie & your anxiety is manifesting as hoards of spiders crawling up the walls, you’re right where you’re supposed to be. The new moon is an excellent time to take up hatchet throwing AND and hatchet burying. & maybe buy a funky crystal.

#Virgo: Everyone is really into you telling them what to do. People will probably pay you to do it, so dig deep & sweetly delve into their childhood issues in the boardroom. You’ll have your CEO crying like a baby & handing you that promotion in no time. You’re THAT delightful!

#Libra: If you’ve been disappointed by people recently, they’re stupid. Appeal to the magic boar of the forest to bring your true peeps (alive). Y’all might be scared at first bc the boar is bigger than expected, but open your heart, for he is gentle, & will also bring scones.

#Scorpio: This week is all about rituals. Add a drop of dove’s blood to your bath (or pomegranate for vegans!) invoking the powers of sex and death. Cast spells from your desk with a discreet athame & that candle from Karen. Illustrate your grimoire with the black ichor of ages.

#Sagittarius: Have you been practicing your insect orchestra? The world is taken with your immense creative talent, as well as the thousand glittering eyes of your garage band. It’s time for you to monetize this. Humans & bats alike applaud your hard & unfathomable work.

#Capricorn: It’s like you’re writing your tell-all memoir to let people know what you will absolutely not tolerate, who should have behaved better, & who the real hero/ine is after all. & then a steamy romance novel about a tortured painter/werewolf lover that slowly comes true….

#Aquarius: To-do lists are too subtle for you. Now that you clawed your way out of darkness, you need totemic gauges in the altar you’ve made to your gods of blood, love, & magic. Hunt obscure ingredients at the new moon with the nocturnal gusto of a predator. This is #selfcare

#Pisces: Did you know that witches used “flying ointment,” an orgasmic herbal vaginal salve that made the user transcendent with pleasure? This is#goals for all areas of your life. You are in luxury so intense that it could be a religion. Do it up, merwitch style.

Featured image: Night Blossoms, 2018, Jezmina Von Thiele

On-set: New Beauty Company Photo Shoot

My sassy pup Lily joined me on-set this past weekend for a photoshoot! It’s for a new beauty start-up, which I’m really jazzed to share details about later. My hair was styled in this bangin’ updo by Master Stylist, Slade J. Guillory, who was a dream with the coolest specs I’ve ever seen. If you’re in NYC looking for a regal do, go to Slade for sure. He just turned me on to Davines hair products so I’ll report back on that too. Here are just some fun selfies I took after the shoot. I’m looking forward to sharing the real pics soon! Bonus: I  read cards and palms on-set; I love when I can bring my witchy vibes to work (and my baby monster dog).

Weird Horoscopes by Jezmina

Hello friends! I’ve written out your week’s horoscopes because I want you to be happy, work your strange magic, and also not take this strange human flesh journey too terribly seriously, especially when things are a little wild.

Aries: Make manipulation fun! Especially retributive manipulation with an edge of altruism. But keep your Machiavellian magic in the workplace because your loved ones are already onto you.

Taurus: The cool thing about hating everything right now is that it’s so much easier to burn it all to the ground, organize your rebel band of merrymakers, and get shit done in the beautiful wreckage of your spoils.

Gemini: If you’re just returned from a harrowing-yet-sexy journey to the underworld, use your newly acquired necromancy skills for good. Bring some healing to this world.

Cancer: If an octopus can live in a friendship colony after a long day of solo hunting and introspection, so can you. Scuttle up to your loved ones and stare into their eyes until everyone’s intimacy issues combust in a stunning display of underwater fireworks.

Leo: The chaos in your life is nothing compared to the chaos in your heart. Treat yourself. Break all of your lover’s dishes. It’ll be wonderfully cinematic.

Virgo: So the Lord of the Underworld isn’t impressed with your good deeds or your new screenplay. Honestly though, his taste isn’t really that refined, and Persephone really digs your vibe. Keep up the strange work.

Libra: This is the week for you to get in touch with your feelings, like every single wretched feeling you’ve ever worked tirelessly to suppress. Go ahead, take a taxidermy workshop to meditate on the horror of mortality & make it your plaything! This is healing time.

Scorpio: Use your shapeshifting skills to tell any perceived weakness to go fuck itself. Try saying “fuck this” as a crocodile, a mongoose, or a narwhal, & step into your odd changeling power. Confidence is the ability to shed your flesh shell for a better one at will.

Sagittarius: Your mantra this week is, “I am ten thousand kittens in a trench coat. Human standards mean nothing to me, and I surge with the power of fluffy cuteness dressed for espionage and drama! THE WORLD IS NO MATCH!” Now deep breath in, and exhale.

Capricorn: Instead of throwing tantrums at work, pick up an instrument to release your frustrations. You can always throw that too. Screaming into the void never felt so good, because in your case, the void kinda has a crush on you.

Aquarius: You’ve been wading in the deep lagoon of mortal shame & suffering for too long. Towel off, don your fav dressing gown & nightcap, & carry a lit candle while incanting poetry to the masses. Make them too think about what they’ve done. It’s time for you to shine!

Pisces: You’ve always been funny, but have you been a loyal servant to the ocean & all of its mysteries? Use your charm to befriend new species this week, or even discover them. Bring out that inner sparkle that attracts marine life enmasse. Few can resist!

 

Featured Image by Ivan Pavlovskyy

Tarot for Mental Health in Greatist

I’m so delighted to share my article about reading tarot cards with friends for mental health. Tarot readings with friends can be really lovely for your brain-heart, particularly if you do it regularly and mindfully. If you’re curious about tarot for mental health, I have some little rituals, practices, and spreads for you in this Greatist article, inspired by my sassy Romani grandmother’s teachings. If you try this with friends or solo, tell me how it goes!

& if you’d like a private reading in person or over the phone, I’m still your girl!

Thanks to Jess Novak for being the best editor, and photography credit & thanks to the magnificent Aurora Rose of www.auroraandjohn.com